Subtitled: The ZEN of Asthma
I feel moved to write this. This very post is moving my ‘Grim’s Technical Support‘ blog in a new direction. (not that it had any direction before, but at least it had a purpose)
Many of you that know me, know that I have had serious, life-threatening asthma since about 2004.
This being said, I could go on about the wonder drug called Xolair that for all intents and purposes, allows me to live my life, virtually asthma-free. I could also go on about the fact that I strongly dislike the idea that the pharmaceutical industry is in the business of making tons of money, without much care towards curing a disease, much less offering natural homeopathic solutions.
The point that I want to make tonight is that I belive that there is a larger purpose, for my having asthma in my life.
I vaguely recall one day, many years ago a thought that I had. It was not a casual thought, like “I need to stop by the store and get a few things for dinner”, but it was more of a response to a dream or some deep-seeded purpose. Now: While I do not recall what the original purpose or concept was, I do recall my response-thought. My thought was: “Well, it had better be really obvious, because you know that I am not any good with subtlety.”
I believe that I gave a spiritual suggestion to myself. Not so much like a hypnotic suggestion that I will act like a chicken when I reach the count of one and wake up. To wit, I’ve heard that intelligent people are easier to hypnotize. If that’s a fact, I’m in trouble, intellectually. What I feel is that I asked for guidance in my life. And so, as a result, the asthma is telling me something. But for the life of me, (exactly!) I have yet to figure out what or where I need to act to resolve this.
My asthma has been quite the full experience, let me tell you. I would not wish this on my enemies. But the overall complication is that I can’t breathe at times. For non-asthmatics, imagine that an elephant is sitting on your chest, but you still must cycle air in and out of your system. Anything can set it off – exercise; something that you are allergic to; even your very thoughts and emotions. I’ve had someone speak to me, and my thoughts regarding what was said to me, started me wheezing.
But it is here for a reason. I have it for a reason. Call it Karma, call it what you want, but there is a zen factor here. The basic concept, that one cannot breathe, can mean so many things, though. I, like many millions of people trying to support their family, am feeling an incredibly increasing tightness on my budget. My paycheck actually used to last the two weeks that it was intended to last. Now, I’m lucky to have any money left over after payday weekend is over. But I digress. I don’t think that I have asthma because our world economy is unbelievably bad. I think I have asthma because there is some obvious aspect of my life that is not allowed to breathe. I got what I wished for. I just need to discover what in my life is cutting off my air.
No happy ending at the moment. No “Ah-Ha! That’s what I’m doing wrong” feeling. But by golly, when I change that problem aspect, and my asthma disappears, I will let everyone know. Oh: If anyone wants to take me on an all-expense-paid trip to Matchu Pitchu so I can harmonize with the earth and center my Chakra’s, let me know.
Thanks for listening.